A Li Shan
Trying to reach the top of A Li Shan, the
famous mountain in Taiwan, I got on a van which was driven by the son of the
village head. The endless golden rice field just like the background of
Microsoft windows shone its light riotously through the window of the van.
Although it is the most common view in rural area of Taiwan, I screamed and surprised
on its beauty, kept "Wowing" and took numerous photos to record its
beauty. After passing through the rice field the son of the village head said
the rangy Areca that the aboriginal loves the most symbolized the foot of the A
Li Shan.
Suddenly, a mist was snaking around the
swirling, narrow road gradually with a light drizzle and becoming a mysterious
maze which blocked all my sights from the van. "The thick mist and rain is
very usual in the middle of the mountains with such height, it will be
fine" the driver smiled while I was worrying about the unexpected change of weather would
destroy my hope for watching sunset. After listening to the comfort sound from the driver, my tensioned heart
and shoulder were started to relax. Then I focused on the view again. However,
houses and tea fields were the only thing that I could
barely see. I was curious on the reason why people would live in a place with
such uncertain weather which might actually be extremely dangerous.
Receiving signals from the sun, we passed
through the mist and continued the trip. After reaching the top of the valley I
noticed that the sun was going to set. Being reflected by the distant, giant
buildings in the city, the lights created a new sea level with its orange-red
fire and glowed all over the sky with the enthusiasm from
the nature. While the angels also wanted to join the party, they leaked their
transparent rays through the chinks of the clouds and blessed the people who
lived in the valley.
The car then stopped in a much higher place.
The scene that I saw when I got off the car was too stunning which made me
hardly to believe. In the middle of 2 tree trunks was fully crowded with the cotton candy liked clouds which floated calmly as the waves
of a warm sea. Since it was so closed that I was yearned for touching and embracing,
I ran down a little bit by chasing the golden lights emitted by the sunset and
searched for a wider view. The sunset dyed the cotton candy liked clouds into
orange-red, then purple until the night came. I was sitting in front of the
scene, staring into the clouds, enjoying the fresh breath and the peace it
brought to my soul. Silent. Please be silent.
(466 words)
(466 words)
The descriptions of the actual sunset and your reaction to it was very well written and conveyed. The figurative language and imagery was well done.
回覆刪除However, there were quite a few grammatical errors that affected the sentence structures. If you work on that, the piece would become much better. Also, I felt that it would have been better if you use more descriptive vocab for the journey to the mountain.
Overall, it was a good piece with a few improvements needed :)
I particularly like your ending. These few words are simple but powerful. It does highlight the dominant impression – a very stunning view with relaxing atmosphere. I alsol ike the use of metaphor which makes your description more interesting.
回覆刪除But sometimes you are telling rather than showing. For instance, when you got off the car, you thought that the scene was stunning (from paragraph 4). You can try to describe how you were stunned by this scene, for example, my eyes and mouth opened wide. Some sentence structures are used very often. It is better if you can have some more substitutes.